Monday, February 24, 2014

Saturday's the big day!

Charlie's birthday party is on Saturday!



I've been trying to keep myself cheered up and moving forward by looking forward to and planning his party. I don't think it's going to be as fancy and awesome as I hoped and dreamed it to be, and I'm worried that it won't come off with a bang of fun and fellowship. I've thrown parties before where nobody came. It's an awful feeling.

The theme is picked, and I have almost everything ready. I've got to make the dogs' cake as well as human treats, I need to put the party bags together and remember to get the ice on saturday morning, but it's all looking good so far. I was really tempted to use the picnic area with only two tables, because the one closest to the dog enclosure has six tables, and it's really not that big of a party - but the small site is a much farther walk, and I know I'm going to be exhausted, and my friends JS and JM will probably be too if I pick that table area. Gotta plan to save spoons where we can, you know?

Poor Charlie was so excited to play at the park yesterday and we only got to stay an hour because someone brought a very tiny puppy and Charlie wouldn't obey and leave it to play, so I had to take him home. I wish people would read the sign that the large dog enclosure is for dogs over 35lbs. I don't want Charlie to accidentally squish a tiny dog, or someone blame me for their puppy's demise because when Charlie runs, he's like a train - nothing stops him. Nothing except him getting whatever he has his mind trained on to get.

Well, I do have to work, but I'm going to send out the reminders to those that R.S.V.P'd, and make a permission paper that guests can sign if they're okay with their pictures ending up on this blog. :)5 days til my little boy's party! Yay

Friday, February 21, 2014

Good morning, star shine!

Charlie and I got up early to take husband to work. But husband is still battling the stomach virus I picked up Monday, so we didn't take him after all. This meant we had more playtime than usual in the morning! Yay!

A&W gave him more tennis balls, and he and I have made a new game. I bounce them off the floor and he can't get it until I say so. It drives him nuts, but it sure gets his energy out! He gets so excited!

Here's pictures from playtime, including him putting his toys away:

Happy Friday!





Wednesday, February 19, 2014

It all comes to a head like a zit.

(Image credit to Natalie Dee)
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A friend from school passed away in a car accident close to our home. He was one of the only teens kind to me in school and our church. I'm so sick of people I care about dying. If you're reading this and you're feeling ill or down or anything other than perfect - know you'll create a HUGE HOLE in me if you quit living right now. I can't take one more loss of life right now. I keep losing people I care about and it needs to stop RIGHT NOW!
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I was turned down for disability in only 10 days time. I make too much money, dispite the fact that I have low quality of life outside of work, and I need constant help with activities of daily living (grooming etc).

I was demoted at work this week and will lose over 10% of my monthly income and I still make too much money to qualify for the preliminary paperwork on disability...by $300 gross monthly.

I'm done with this week. I am ready to crawl in a hole and hide out.

Tuesday, February 18, 2014


I have no happy face right now. Yesterday I had some kind of stomach affliction and ended up going home from work. I feel like crawling into a hole and knitting. Just knitting. No idea what project - at this point that hardly matters. I just want the gentle swish of the wool and the light click click of the needles. I drank 3 gatorades yesterday, and laid on the couch with my kitties and puppy until all the aches and stomach madness passed.

Charlie is doing wonderfully. He has a tendency to try and anticipate commands and do things he expects us to do based on habit but jumps the gun and does them without command, which isn't good. We've noticed if we can get him to the park and he can run and play that he doesn't do that!

We've been practicing him picking up objects he's never come across to touch - like my cane. Usually I'm in control of it, and it has a little strap so if my hand lets go it won't hit him. He's confused on how to pick it up, but he tries!
  He's helped this weekend with getting the clothes out of the dryer and into the basket. This job took a loooong time. It was like working with a toddler! He needed a lot of encouragement - so it didn't save any time, but it did save me having to bend over and wrangle all of it! He has continued to help by getting my shoes for me, and he has put them away too (by command). We cleaned out our closet this weekend and after Husband left for work I tried to get Charlie to pick up one of the newly empty hangers. We use the plastic kind - because before I learned about the Gyres I read in an organizing magazine that the easiest way to an organized looking closet is to have uniform hangers. To Dollar General I ran and bought several packs for $2 each. Sadly when they break they aren't recyclable. I wish I had known, but oh well! So anyway, Charlie had a rough time and was discouraged about not getting it, so I put peanut butter on it and he kept messing with it until finally he picked it up! I said "Good boy! Bring it!" and he brought it over and dropped it (without the command). I think we're going to need to work on a new task: "Hold it!"

This morning we had to take Husband to work. When we got back home and I let him outside to potty, there was a neighbor from 5 apartments down in our back yard letting her tiny mutt pee on my neighbors' back porch! I was flabbergasted! I never take Charlie any further than the edges of our windows in the back or front, and I would wash off the brick or pavement if it was raining and he peed on it, but this lady hightailed it, with her little dog yapping the whole way. Charlie just looked up at me like "What the heck was that, Mom??" and when I picked my jaw off the floor and said the command, he quickly did what he needed to do. I've thought about it all day and it creeps me out that someone was off our back porch.

Tonight we're going to our friends' house - the couple with the black weimeriner mix and the mini-pitt. Charlie's nails haven't been trimmed since his adoption on the 24th of December, so they agreed to help since I can't control the nail trimmer thing with my hands. Yay!

Thursday, February 13, 2014

I've been married for 8 years...

And I still don't quite know how that happened!

I was listening to the radio show "The Bert Show" on my way in to work this morning, and they were doing a segment about healthy, long running relationships. They were asking people to call in and in one sentence explain how they have stayed together so long. They gave examples like: "Raising the kids together has really cemented our bond", "Trusting each other", "Not fighting over money", "Sharing our faith with each other", "Doing athletic things together".

It struck me that Husband and I aren't bound by those things. I can't have kids, and he chose to marry me knowing that. I have trust issues, and he loves me anyway. We do fight over money, because we've lost our house to forclosure and now if we don't have the willingness to be more stubborn than each other, we end up spending more than we earn. (I am openly admitting he's talked me off the ledge of some insane purchases in the past!) We don't share the same faith either. I'm now a Catholic, and he is a Protestant. He plays baseball when the boys are interested, but we had to sell our matching bikes because I can't ride anymore.

I think what binds us together through all this mess is that we both stood before God and everyone we knew and promised we would stick it out and become "one flesh". That through everything we would always choose each other. There are times when I wouldn't choose him, or he wouldn't choose me except for that promise. There are times where we both wholeheartedly choose each other and we would make any onlooker sick to their stomach by how gushy we can be. Most of the time we're like a very comfortable pair of friends. I think if we ever stop investing in our friendship it would be very easy to say "I give up on that promise".

Husband has had some huge curveballs thrown his way lately. There has been a lot of increased pressure on our union. But I know who he's coming home to at night. I know he's going to help me feed the animals, and I'll gripe at him to kick his shoes off because "carpets catch all kinds of bacteria!!", and he'll roll his eyes, but kick them off anyway. I know that he'll ask "What's for dinner?" but now he'll try to learn how to help me make it. I know that we'll sit on the couch with Charlie at our feet and a cat on the back of the sofa behind each of us, and we'll watch a show Husband picks out while we eat what we made. I know with certainty that even if I'm too tired to clean the dishes, he won't gripe about it, and when it's time to go to bed we'll play fight over who has to turn off the lamp.


I think that's something that can't be summed up into one sentence.

Tuesday, February 11, 2014

Snow day tomorrow!

It's a snow day at work tomorrow, so Charlie and I get to bond and practice. For now I'll just share photos.




Monday, February 10, 2014

About time!


I used to be a completely organized and prompt person. You could set a watch by me. I've noticed as my health declines down its slow slope that more and more I resemble the White Rabbit from "Alice In Wonderland".


Try as I might, it takes me such a long time to get going! Say for example that I have to be at work at 8am. I wake up at 5:30 - 6:00am, shower, rest, feed the cats and Charlie, get dressed, rest, dress Charlie, potty Charlie, clean up after him, start loading the car - first him, then go get his bag, then get my purse, then get my lunchbag. Drive 6 miles, drop off Charlie so he can learn tasks while I'm at work, then it's traffic and work. If I'm lucky my trip that is only 30 miles from my front door to cubicle only takes 1 1/2 hours. Most days I'm 5 minutes late to work.

I used to be the model of perfection when it came to being on time, having everything ready. I'm having to push my body for even the small things and it's frustrating.



I feel like I'm a live action infomercial person...you know...the one that can't do simple things right. I don't know how to make it better. I wish there had been a handbook for becoming disabled. Like the book given to the couple who died in Beetlejuice! I guess this is just a whiny post, but I hope it's helpful to someone who is new to being a Spoonie: EVERYTHING will take extra time. It WILL be frustrating. I know I can keep fighting and trying to improve. But I'm allowing myself a day to wallow in it and say "UGH!!!!!"

And that's okay.

Sunday, February 9, 2014

Friday, February 7, 2014

We ain't talkin' chocolate pudding!


So....it was brought to my attention that someone I know is privately curious as to how I can handle....chocolate Charlie drops? ....Piles of fun?.... Oh, heck. Poop.

Yep, this post is about puppy poop.

Charlie is a LARGE dog. As I've mentioned in previous postins, it's hard for me to bend over, so my friend was curious as to how I handle cleaning up after Charlie's bathroom habits. I never considered that it would be something people would be interested in knowing!

I've read online that you can train your dog to launch into a large planter and crouch to do business there, at waist height. That might be a solution for a small dog, but not Charlie. I tire very easily from standing, so he has learned the command "Hurry, potty, hurry!" means "Go now or forever hold it in!". He can easily laze about and take his ever-loving time with Husband, but when I give that command it's like "Hut, two three four!" and we're done. If it's a pile of fun, I wait until he's done, tell him to brace (I can't lean on him much yet, but he has to learn), and I put my cane in front of me so I can lean over without falling over. Then I brace against the cane with my waist and clean the pile up with a baggie, and take my time straightening up again. I can hand the tied up baggie over to Charlie to put by the front door, but I hate doing that, because let's be honest: carrying a bag of poop with your mouth is not a very attractive thing to be doing, especially when it's your own poop and you kiss people with that mouth! So Charlie walks beside me once I'm mobile again, and we drop it by the door so Husband can take it to the garbage down the hill. If Husband is home, I don't worry about all that, because it's nothing for him to lean over, scoop it and toss it in like 2 seconds flat.

So now you know!

Tuesday, February 4, 2014

Our friend "H"


Our friend, "H" came by today and brought Charlie a rawhide treat! It's his first rawhide ever - and I think he's in love. I wish I could have been there to visit with H and see Charlie's reaction first hand, but I'm sure he'll hand me a slobbery mess of rawhide when I do get there. LOL!

Look at his coat! It's so shiny and healthy! I was petting his ears this morning when I dropped him off with Granddaddy Dadid, and I didn't want to go. I had errands to run before work, but I just felt like staying curled up in a ball with my boy. So far two guests have RSVP'd to his party! I went and got the plates, napkins and forks. :) I've been reading different recipes for cake, and I've decided I want to have real cake for the people at the party, and I'm going to make a dog food cake for the pups. :)

My medicines are working again! Yay! I feel better after I take them. The pain management dosages keep it all at a numbed down version of the pain. If I had a few days I'd hibernate from relief!

...My friend Hawk sent me a starbucks card this week, so Charlie and I got a coffee and puppichino on Sunday. It was so nice to sit outside with Charlie at my feet, a warm coffee in my hand and a gentle breeze blowing. The staff at my local Starbucks knows Charlie now, and are always supportive. Since he's still in training and a bit rambunctious, the only store he's stepped inside has been pet stores. We just go through the drive through, and then pick a spot outside to sit together.

At work today we found out by accident that our Big Boss has decided to tear down our cubicles and put us all in a row like a telemarketing call center. They're going to cover the windows and have us side by side. I'm losing half the cube space I have now. I hate that. My cube is the one place that is orderly and perfect. I can find you a file in under 30 seconds if you ask me for it. I decorate it once a month after I get off work, so it's always fresh and interesting to look at. I believe in the mission of my job, and I'm so passionate about it - but I'm discouraged. I spend all my energy at work, and have no social life, and then it feels like all these changes at work are just picking away at my spirit. If I have to take down my personal stuff it will be the last straw.

....I spoke with the Geneticist again, and he apologized. I'm glad I called because he forgot that he was supposed to be fighting with my insurance provider so I could find out what my final diagnosis is! This morning after doing some of my errands I stopped by the eye clinic and it turns out the reason my new glasses have been giving me so much trouble is because the frames aren't fitted correctly. So the uber cool frames have to go, and now I sit and wait again. I don't really care for the new frames - they're tortiseshell - but if they finally fit and I can see without a fishbowl effect, I'll be satisfied! The good news is that the eye doctor said my retinas look firmly attached, so I'm taking that as hope that it might not be Sticklers Syndrome after all.

Well, my darlings, my coffee break's over and I must go forth and stand on my head. ;) Take care until we gossip again!

Monday, February 3, 2014


My pain pills make me a bit dizzy, but I'm getting a bit of numbness to the pain. Yay

Sunday, February 2, 2014

No blah blah.

Bad mental health day.
Very fidgety and unsettled.
Don't feel like verbalizing anything.
Cleaned a lot today, very tired and painful.

Here's a picture of Charlie and me practicing table manners at Starbucks:

He loves Starbucks about as much as I do! I love his silly face.

Here's a picture of him after the dog park. Sorry it's dark, we had to leave because of rain.
Ok, one more:



Saturday, February 1, 2014

The question of the day!


Charlie hasn't excercised enough this week. He's been completely uninterested and unwilling to "play" his tasks he's learning. When husband finally got home from work today, I set out to get Charlie into the car. We were interrupted by a neighbor, and Charlie was very hard to handle. Sometimes when I'm writing about him I feel like I'm making excuses or something, but he is still very much a puppy. There is potential, and he has the brute strength I'll need from him, but his size makes people think "wow. He needs training! How can that gimpy girl control such a big dog?"

When Charlie has had excercise and enough time to be a full on dog, he is such a pleasure to work with! And honestly, he's not a machine. We all have off days. I'm so tired, and so very sore from the snow ordeal this week, that I could have easily snapped and popped him on his butt, but that would only instill fear and lack of trust. I don't care if I have to repeat a command hundreds of times. I'm not going to spank unless Charlie is putting himself in danger, or attempting to bite (which he hasn't done just for the record). I'm just saying I don't spank. He's stubborn, but smart dogs have that streak in them. It's like dealing with a toddler, you just have to be consistent, kind and more stubborn than the child! Lol

So my neighbor's question was repeated at the dog park: "wow! Your dog sure is getting big. I see he's not listening very well. Is he a help at all yet, or are you taking him back to where you got him?"

My brain launched into a tirade: No. Charlie majors belongs with me. Period.

He has been a huge help to me! And he's only a PUPPY. I realize we can be quite a scene to watch when I'm tired and he's wired, but we belong together. Everybody has off days...even my dog. And that is normal. I'm throwing a LOT his way, and he keeps rolling with the punches. I've only had him a little over a month. In that time he's learned to obey 4 people and live peacefully with 5 cats he wants to hug and kiss and play with. He's learned "side" and "heel", he can get, give, drop what I ask him to (we're working on consistency), and he lines up at curbs and steps and waits for me until I'm down the step. He walks with a slack leash almost all the time, and he has only had accidents at our friends' house and once here at home (in fairness to him, we didn't listen when he alerted and he lost control, it's not like her actively sought a place to do it). He gets in and out of the car on command and is learning to nudge doors open.

So, my answer was and is "today we're both worn thin. He's coming along nicely, and has been a great help. I hope you have a good day!"

Love to you, my people!