Friday, January 31, 2014

Coupon queen!

Ok, so I'm always seeing the boards at the entrance of publix and walmart saying "compare and save!"... and I finally tried it! This past week when I was at the local recycling facility, I looked and saw that someone had tossed out the redplum and supersavers from recent papers. So of course, I stole them. I finally had two identical coupons to use at each store on items that were not on sale!

At my local publix, I bought:

7-up 10 = $1.89 - .75 coupon
Dole fruit=$3.49 - $1.00
x2 pickle=$1.39 - .50 x2 multiplied by store
Mustard= $1.95 - .50 x2 multiplied by store
Alexia    =$3.79 - $1.00
= $9.15

At walmart I bought:
Dr10 (the only flavor they had, but they honored the coupon anyway!)
= $1.00 - .75 coupon
Dole fruit = $2.18 - $1.00
x2 pickle=$1.86 - .50
Mustard= $1.48 - .50
Alexia    =$2.98 - $1.00
= $7.61

Neither store had these items on sale. All the alexia potato flavors were the same price at each store, so I switched up the flavors so we wouldn't get bored. The mustard is the same size, as is the fruit. The pickles are differing sizes, but I got the cheapest ones at both stores.

So it looks like you save money at Walmart! BUT - time is money, friends! I spent a paltry 20 minutes in publix and an hour and 22 minutes in Walmart. I didn't use a motorized buggy, so no one could say it was because one cart was faster at one store. Time is money, and if you're chronically ill, it's also spoons. I have a friend at the walmart, named KC, and she helped me to my car, but most people don't get help at walmart. Publix, you get that service every time. So although you save cash at Wally World, you can navigate and find exactly what you want at the smaller store faster, this saving energy.

What do you think? Have you ever taken the challenge to compare and save?

Kissy face!

Five o'clock in the morning and we're at Granddaddy Dadid's. We're a one car family, so on days when husband and I both work, we have to carpool a bit. It doesn't happen often, and there's a time gap, so I get to chill out a bit with Charlie.

I've been so sore! I can't stop the tears from falling, even though I'm notemotionally crying, I think it's my body's way of protesting what I've put it through this week.

Charlie says "I'll kiss it and make it better!"

And here he is watching VH1 with me:

Back when I was really little, I was always sick with an ear infection, or viral infection, asthma, you name it. My parents used to take turns every night as to who got a good night's sleep and who got to stay up holding me in the recliner. VH1 (Classic) is the balm of my youth. I really think all those long nights are what made me love Phil Collins so much. That and he's a musical genius! ;)


Smokey is still not impressed with Charlie getting "Good boy!" praises.



Thursday, January 30, 2014

So sleepy!


Mayhem and Charlie's tails curled up together!
They are both so happy to have me home...
It sparked an impromptu truce! (On her side. Charlie has always wanted to snuggle with her!)


I've been sleeping off and on since I dared the ice and snow to get home. I won't lie, sleeping on the floor sucked big time. I'm so sore today that it feels like someone has been hitting me with one of those meat tenderizers. But I was safe and fed.

Tonight I went through my pantry to see what we need from the store, and dropped a granola bar. Charlie picked it up, gave it to me and sat to receive praise. I was so excited!! He's slowly "getting it". If I had more one on one time, I know he would understand faster. He likes food rewards, but I've discovered his favorite is vocal praise and snuggles. How ironic that God would give me a dog so similar to myself in that regard?! I love to eat, but I'd die without affirmations from my loved ones.

My biggest terror is the thought of getting in a horrible accident and the people I love's last memory of me NOT being me telling them how much they mean to me, or hearing I love them. I've always needed that extra boost of "you are loved/awesome/etc.". My whole life. Even though I know I've always been wanted and loved by my family that hunger is there. 

Charlie seems to have a hunger for praise and love too.

And he is such a smart dog! He's already helping me get around better. The fetching and giving it to me is a HUGE help! It seems like such a small thing to those that don't know, but every time I move even a little bit, it causes a fluxuation in my pain level. When I am completely still, it's like a geyser...slowly simmering. When I move, PHFFFSHHHH!!! Geyser goes off and pain flares. So Charlie bending keeps me from squatting to get it, and he brings it to my hand so I don't have to reach for it.

He's also different than me:
He potties outside on command when I get too cold and/or impatient. That in and of itself impresses me. Me? I can't use public fascilities if I think someone can hear me.

He has spontaneous joy. He is still so much a puppy, and can find fun or make it without much of any encouragement. Me? No. I plan and have back up plans for my back up plans. My spontaneity died a long time ago! He joy is so contagious! He makes me laugh. I think he is probably doing wonders for my mental health.

Anyway, I do apologize for the absence of posting here lately. I'm still getting back in the swing of things and to a healthy mindset, and then sleeping away from home, on the floor, worried about everyone? Not good physically or emotionally, but the weather is clearing up and to quote "Annie", the sun'll come out tomorrow!

Love, peace and chicken grease,
-Beth

Tuesday, January 28, 2014

Charlie's First Snow

...Charlie and I are not together.

No one expected our State...rather, this area to be hit so hard by snow. So I'm stuck at work. Charlie is with his Granddaddy Dadid, and apparently having the time of his life!

Here's a picture to make you smile:



In other news, I've been working on his Birthday party and have started giving out the few select invites to his uber elite party. ;) I only say that because Husband and I are determined to host a gathering where more than 1 person comes, but less than 15. I've never successfully hosted an event, and I'm afraid to get excited for it, but it's so hard not to get a bit amped up. If nothing else, I know Charlie will have a great day, and that's what's most important to me.

I've planned his theme. I've actually picked next year's theme too! So whether or not this all works out, I have a plan. ;)

He's had two guests rsvp, and they are both bringing their humans. :) I promise I'll take pictures of the big day, but it's in March, so don't get as antsy as me or we'll all go crazy!

Be safe in whatever weather you discover yourself to be in!

Saturday, January 25, 2014

Cesar Milan would be proud of us!

Charlie and I have had a great day together.
Not to say today's been perfect or that I've been nice to humans all day, but Charlie and I have been in sync!

I woke up late and on the wrong side of the bed, but Charlie was there, licking my neck so I would get up and take him out. Poor baby held it! I'm proud of him. He really had to go! I wouldn't have blamed him for having an accident.

We watched the dog whisperer and call the midwife. He was fascinated by the dog sounds and baby cries. I read that he needs to be exposed to a variety of sounds every day, so I thought the baby cries would be a good touch. Since I can't have them and don't have close associations to any small babies, I figured it was the next best solution. I was pleasantly surprised that when the baby cried on tv, he alerted me in the direction of the tv, and wouldn't stop pointing until I said "good alert! It's ok.", and then he laid down with his ears back like "ok, I'll trust you, but that kid isn't ok."

We took a good long nap, and then my husband called to remind me to get dressed for the day. Charlie helped me in the bath, keeping me company and kissing my knee. When I was done, he got my towel and socks. We're still having a bit of difficulty understanding "get it!" applies to more than socks, hankies and leash. I refuse to give up though, and Charlie eventually did get it. I just have to remind myself he's only ten months old, and he's having to learn stuff normal dogs don't do. I can't be frustrated or in a hurry if I'm going to select some task as a learning moment. When I give an order I have to be consistent and follow through until Charlie gets the idea and a victory. It's like when we practice at curbs. I can't put weight on him for another year or so, but he has to learn to pause, line up his feet and wait for me to get down the curb before he can keep walking like he assumes he is supposed to. I can't just breeze by in the morning and if I'm running late, he still has to get it right before we can go. Doesn't matter that I have my cane and can do it without him - he's going to replace it and be with me through everything, so he has to learn. Anyway... I got off on a tangent there. Sorry. Back to today;

Husband took him to the dog park while I visited my parents home for an hour, and he had a blast with "daddy". Apparently all the bad owners took their dogs home, and Charlie's friends, the boxer, Great Pyrenees, and pit bull (his human is the afghan hound owner's dad) were all there, and he met a new friend named "hoss" - a Great Dane that was twice as tall as Charlie. Husband said he didn't pull the lead, and walked beside him before and after the park (great progress for them as a twosome!) and played like he should with all his buddies, no dominating or being dominated.

After that we had dinner and played board games at our friends "A & W"'s house. They have an elderly cat, and I was a bit afraid we had made Charlie's day a bit too full, but he was completely chill, followed orders, peed outside the front and back doors, and we finally got to practice "under, down, stay" at a real dinner table! Usually we practice that at Starbucks outside, and only for about 15 minutes. He got up twice, but obeyed when corrected. He didn't put attention on our food, which I was extremely proud of him for because it was meatloaf and had a very drool worthy smell. It was his first time at their home, and I was really proud of his behavior.

We're all tuckered out, but happy.


I'm a bit afraid to try one of my pain meds.... The cute pitty in yesterday's post? Her owner took the medication as prescribed to her and she had a bad reaction, so I want to make sure to only take it when I know husband will be nearby if I react badly like my friend did. I am back on my proper name brand regular daily med, and a new daily pain medication. I'm all curled up with my heating pad for my foot. The swelling is finally going down, so I feel as though I'm on the mend to being my normal crazy self! Yay!

Okay, I'm off to Pinterest to look up cool birthday ideas. My little hobbit (he eats 4 to 5 times a day!) turns 1 in March! Catch you later!
 

Friday, January 24, 2014

We've got cabin fever!

Finally got the medication straightened out with the doctor. I was right, he had no idea I was reacting to my meds. I'm on a new pain management course. Yay for experimenting and my old meds!!!!
Here's me at the pharmacy today:



So ready for the pills to kick me in the booty and me to feel more like myself again!

Poor Charlie has been going bonkers for some straight up fun lately. The weather's been so bad I didn't want to take him to the park because one of us would be bound to catch chill. So tonight was got Starbucks and visited our friends.


They partied hard and crashed just as hard! Cabin fever averted!

Wednesday, January 22, 2014

Today sucked. Enjoy some photos!

 Me at the doctor
 Husband with outside cat, Zeus.
 Charlie and his baby doll
 Mayhem watching Charlie play
 Mischief ruling the roost




Monday, January 20, 2014

Feet.

Tripped again last night.


Probably broke my tiny toe. According to my internet skills, this is the most commonly broken body part, and usually people don't know it's broken when they stub it. I however, hyper extended it when I tripped, and now it goes sideways at the tip! It's so short I had a heck of a time stabilizing it, so I ended up using a bit more medical tape than the internet told me to. It really hurts, but oh well. This morning I have nice bruising that has shown up.


Charlie's toes are much cuter than mine, so I am posting them so you can get the mental image of my foot out of your mind. And judge me all you want - his nails look adorable with a thin coat of black sparkle polish! His coat looks so healthy now that he's on good food and rid of worms. Like a show dog, but he's a mutt. ;)

Speaking of wich, I heard that the kennel club is opening up an agility competition to mutts!!! I want details! ...guess I'll have to look it up when I have more time on my hands.

Here's a picture of mayhem to make you smile:


Love, peace, chicken grease!
- Beth 

Sunday, January 19, 2014

Silly puppy update



Charlie got his weekly bath! He's so funny when he's naked and damp! He runs around like a loon and is so darned perky! Mom went to petsmart and found this Brett Michaels doll for three bucks! He loves it. In the first picture you can see how tall he is. :)

I was really worried two weeks ago he started losing weight, and I spoke to the fine folks at our local pet food store (not petsmart - it's a family owned store that sells grain free food and American raw hides, bones and the like.) and they recommended giving him food more frequently, and giving wet food. Then they said "you may want to pay attention to his poop and make sure you don't see anything." Sure enough, poor baby had worms. We got medication from the vet and - badda bing badda boom - he's back to his old self again! He regained his weight and is feeling fine. This morning when I dropped him off at my parents house he was so sad and he refused to give me a kiss. I had to go get my eyes examined though, so he couldn't come. It's a good thing he loves them so much, because when I picked him up he was totally happy and ready to play or go home and eat. :) I knew he'd be okay, because I always feel better after being with them.

Did you know he's ten months old now???? Time is flying! :) you can really tell a difference in his fur now that he is on really good food. The spot where his cyst was removed has fur again, and as you can see in the close ups, his scars are less visible. His ears are so soft.

Silly dog drools like the dog in that TomHanks movie "turner and hooch" every time he hears kibble hit his bowl, or if he drinks water. I read in a library book that Great Danes do that. I really do think he's part Dane. He's so gentle, and he has that look of images I've googled of Great Dane pit bull mixes. He's very sturdy. We haven't done brace training or him bearing any weight yet, because the vet said he won't be finished growing for another year and two months at least. I really want to make sure we don't rush his training or go past his limits.

Soon I will be planning a birthday! ...not just mine, but Charlie's as well. Our birthdays are really close together!

Ok. I've bored you people enough. Today has really worn me physically, so I'm going to stop bragging on my boy and watch netflix. Catch you later! Be gentle wth yourselves and make Bob Ross proud. :)

 







Friday, January 17, 2014

A message to my Spoonies:


Cold hard cash...



Y'all, it's COLD outside!

Raising Charlie is so weird. It's like we're raising each other. This morning was the first time he retrieved his leash for me! It's NOT A SOCK, y'all! It's NOT A HANKY! His Leash! I was so excited I think I startled him a little bit. I was all "YES! CHARLIE!!! YES! GOOD BOY! WOW! YESS!!!!"

Yesterday a dear friend gave my mom $20 to go towards Charlie's needs. Thank you so much, H_____!! You are amazing! You totally didn't have to do that, but we both appreciate it! ...Apparently little Mr. Charlie Majors decided to nibble on his current leash and it has a bit chunk missing from it, so we're going to go buy him a more durable one today! Thank you for getting him a leash! :)

On a loosly related note, someone asked me if I had a wishlist of things Charlie needs or will need. The answer is yes, but I'm hesitant to put it out there, because Charlie is my responsibility, and to put a wishlist out there is in my mind saying "I need your help because I can't actually take care of him!", when I can. It's probably screwed up thinking, but hey - what do you expect? My meds are off and I'm crazy! lol!
In all seriousness, I do appreciate my village of family and friends wanting to help. I couldn't do it without your love and prayers and support. I just don't want anyone to feel obligated to help in a monetary fashion.


Since this whole post is basically about money, I'll tell you what happened today. This week my paycheck was screwed up, and a bunch of my earnings weren't on the check. We have what we need for our basics and bills, but it's so frustrating when you're counting on things to be a certain way and they turn out differently. I contacted HR at work, and as it turns out, the person the paperwork was sent to for pay no longer works here, and so my pay was not altered to accomodate all that has recently happened. They're going to have to cut a new check with the missing funds on it, and fed ex it to me. Yay! Problem solved.


Now so VERY loosly related:
Have you ever cleaned or gone to the bathroom in a well to do person's home?

I ask this because I used to clean homes before I got the job I have now, and because when I have been a guest in wealthier homes than mine, I noticed a trend. They all have fabulous loos, with paper hand towels for the guests that are similar to party napkins, but tri-fold, and they have awesome soap...but really cheap toilet paper. I guess my priorities really are a bit skewed to the side, because I spend my cash on good food and fluffy toilet paper, and use gold dial soap unless someone gifts me nicer soap. Life's too short, and I think that saying "let medicine be thy food, and food by thy medicine" has merit, so I buy organic and eat really well, and let's be honest with ourselves - comfy tushie = happy lady. I like the gold dial hand soap because it reminds me of my Grandma and Granddaddy's house.

Okay, well, my lunch break's over and I need to get back in the swing of things. It's my favorite day of the month - pay/friday! ;) Thanks for being patient with my ramblings, and H_____, THANK YOU again for the new leash for Charlie Majors! He's gonna look even more adorable! :)

Tuesday, January 14, 2014

Bad, very bad mental health day. I've checked out of conversations, work and relationships today. 
Nothing good to say today, so I leave you with pictures of Charlie. Be well, my Spoonies.


 
 


Monday, January 13, 2014

It's hard to explain...



I'm still not getting the right dosage of my medication that keeps me balanced.

I have issues maintaining good Mental Health because of a diagnosed condition. My brain just doesn't get the chemicals it needs without medication.

It's like I'm sitting in the dark, on the floor with my arms wrapped around my knees and I'm rocking back and forth trying not to listen as my own voice berates me. I hear myself like horrible echoes overlapping themselves with snippets of memories of bad things that have happened to me/because of me and bad things that have been said. I try to cover my ears with both my hands, but then the shadows grab at me and start pushing me around, pelting me and berating me. I can't stop the flood of abuse.

On medication, it's like almost all those shadow demons get silenced. They take a good ol' knock to the back of the head with the butt end of a revolver and I am allowed to brush off some of the dust and light a lamp. There's still a bitter harpy or two in the corner where the light doesn't reach really well - and they whisper their hateful and hurtful mess, but I can ignore them better because I see they're 3 inches tall and I have a room full of chocolate and puppies and rainbows.

It's not like I'm never able to be sad or angry on my medication, but I'm better able to function and focus on positive things.

I didn't start blogging thinking that anyone I know would read it. I started it thinking "I've got to think of a way to keep people from grabbing at Charlie, and take charge emotionally." You see, my body is getting weaker and it makes me livid. Most days I wish I could take a baseball bat and swing away at something - anything - to pummel it into dust and get the anger out. I can't physically stop someone from petting Charlie and damaging his training, but I can smile and hand them a business card that says "This is a service dog in training. Please do not continue to distract. We're glad you're interested! Learn more about Charlie at: www.charlieisaservicedog.blogspot.com!"

Recently I've gotten some feedback that people I know in real life are disappointed to know the "real me".

Well, join the club. I'm disappointed to know the real me. God is disappointed in the real me. You're not really disappointed in me - you're disappointed that I don't match the mental image you painted in your head of me. So what? I'm still me - and I'm still just a broken human being striving to be and think and say and do better.

I blame myself for disappointing you. I blame myself when I do well and take attention away from others. I blame myself for every little success, struggle and failure. *shrugs*

This blog was not made with the people I am close to, or the people I am related to in mind. I'm sorry if that hurts or offends you. I chose to share it with you because you are important to me and I want you to see what I'm going through if you want to peer in through the dirty, cobwebby window. This is an online diary and a window for other chronically ill people to see they're not alone. This is for strangers to learn it's not okay to walk all over a disabled person's rights or personal space. This is for me, so I can looks back and see how my illness is changing me, and get a grip on the reality of it.

I'm not offended by anyone's disappointment in me. I'm so much harsher and cruel to myself than anyone could ever be to me from the outside. I am far more judgemental of my own self than any other human could dream of being.

I'm working on that. This year I decided I'm going to offend and upset people, but I'm also going to make some happy. I'm going to have opinions. I'm going to stand up for myself and allow myself to have a voice, because I usually stuff myself away inside until I can't take any more and then KABOOM! crazy-version-me pops out, tosses a tantrum and then I have to stuff myself all up away again.

Not anymore.

So to those 3 people who have commented to me in various private conversations, I'm sorry you're disappointed, but I'm not sorry for anything I've written. I do love you, and I hope if you ever do read this one little entry that you know we're okay with each other - I just made a commitment to myself that I would voice my thoughts and so I did. Thank you.

Sunday, January 12, 2014

The worst and best morning


Our cat Mischief ran away this morning....I'll spoil the ending for you, because I wouldn't be writing this if she wasn't home again.

To begin, you need a bit of backstory:

My husband is a champ. He never really liked animals, at least for them to be up close and personal. I mean, he and I had a blast at the zoo, but having an animal in your life 24/7? Nah.

Over the course of our marriage we've had our two cats, Mischief and Mayhem, since they were six weeks old, and we jokingly refer to them as "your cat" and "my cat" because when we went to get them we had agreed to just get one kitten. I picked mayhem because she was tiny and the only short haired one, and she reminded me of my first cat. My husband picked up a lively active kitten from under something and said "we can get her, if you let me get this one too!"

That was over eight years ago, and they are my pride and joy. Adding Charlie to the mix last month has only expanded love in my heart. I imagine it's similar to how most people feel when a child joins a family. 

My husband was reluctant to add Charlie, because of a few reasons. One was cost, adding another animal does cost money. Food, training, tools, toys and vet bills. Very reasonable and understandable. The other reason is he was hoping to be able to lay our cats to rest before I needed a service animal, because he was concerned how our cats would be affected. Also very reasonable. He agreed that we needed to start the process now and I honestly think part of the wall he set up in his heart to protect our cats and finances crumbled when he met Charlie.

He has faithfully taken Charlie outside every morning at 3 am since we've gotten him. He plays rough with him since I can't, and he braves the dog park since I can't go alone. 

This morning when he took Charlie out...upon return the door to outside was not shut firmly.

My husband leaves for work at 4am almost every day of the month, and today was one of those days. I barely remember him making his side of the bed and telling Charlie to join me for snuggles, but when I woke up, it was a little after 5, and Charlie was snoring. I heard mayhem crying, and I laid there a few minutes debating if I should get up and let her in the bedroom. 

I told Charlie to stay, and I opened the door expecting to see my little butterball turkey celebrate that she got her way, yet she wasn't there. She was in the kitchen crying, looking at the back door which was open just enough for a cat to go through. I closed it, and searched the house and mischief was nowhere to be found. I quickly opened every door and closet, put Charlie in the bathroom with some kibble and shook the cat food bag. No kitty except mayhem, and she wasn't interested. She kept staring at the door and crying.

My cats are NOT snuggly with each other. That stopped when their first heat came, before we had them fixed. This conveyed immediately that mischief was outside. I started to panic, and my body went numb. I talked to myself and said "be calm. Shoes on. Flashlight. Sound happy when you call her. Don't panic or she'll spook."

I searched outside for over an hour, and she was gone.

I sat down on the back porch and let the panic attack take me. Poor Charlie was still in the bathroom, and I could hear him trying to get to me, but I couldn't move. I have no idea where mischief was, but God and the Saints must have heard my prayers, because Mischief heard me and slinked over to me. She is NOT a cuddly cat except with my husband, but she is the smarter of the two, and although she plays little dumb blonde, I think she knew I was shattered. She gently touched me and I grabbed her up, and let the tears fall all over her. 


She seems okay. She was very cold, and seemed happy to be fed.

Poor Charlie though! I was so scared that mischief wouldn't come home if I was walking wih him, and he seemed almost as panicked trying to get to me to comfort me as I was to find mischief.


Everyone is home. Everyone is safe and warm. Charlie won't let me out of his sight, now that the panic attack is over and all is well. I am so beyond glad that our little Ruler, Mischief, is home. The castle isn't the same without a queen to rule it!

Saturday, January 11, 2014

Good morning star shine, the earth says "hello"!


We got up at 4am and took my husband to work.
It's raining like crazy, and today I discovered Charlie
Is afraid... Of umbrellas.

He had to face his fear of the weird sound of rain on
The umbrella, because he can't have fear and not try
To overcome it to help me. I'm really proud of him! It only
Took 5 minutes, and although he was uneasy the whole 
walk from the car to the front door of my Mom and Dad's,
He did it and was focused on obeying my order to stay at
"Side" (perfect 'heel' on my right hand side.)



We had a nice nap, and now he's warming my feet while I 
drink a coffee and try to get going again. Gotta be at work
In an hour and get off at 5. I'm exhausted just thinking about
The remainder of our day. At least he'll be warm and with my
Family, learning and having fun! And at least I have these 
moments of snuggle time to get me through until we can 
cuddle again.

I just feel so sore all over. I twisted something in my ankle
Last night, and it hurts like the dickens. I hate fighting
Chronic illness on the weekend. It's when I usually get to fall 
apart and not battle it. Oh well! Gotta keep fighting!


Friday, January 10, 2014

Hard day's night



Charlie has a new friend at the dog park named Lukas.
They get together pretty well. We like his owner a lot too!
His son owns the afghan hound Charlie likes.



It's been a very long and trying week, so I will leave you with a picture of Charlie's sweet face. :)
Back to work tomorrow!

Tuesday, January 7, 2014

Another day another dollar.


"Momma! Wake up! It's morning and I brought you a sock!"


"I'm a good boy. I wake you up so we can play!"


"....you're not supposed to say 'good morning, baby!' and then stay in bed."

It's been a real cold few days! Nothing like up north or the Midwest, but still. Very cold. Poor Charlie has to wear one of my old night shirts when he goes outside so he doesn't shiver so hard.

We went to our friends' house and he got to meet Cletus and Ellie Mae. Cletus is a weimeriner mix and Ellie Mae is a pit bull. He had SO much fun with them, but it really made me take a second look, because in my mind Cletus was the same size as Charlie and in reality Charlie's head is twice the size, and he's an inch taller than him.

I was really disappointed that Charlie thought it was appreciate to pee on the table leg and amp speaker. So embarrassed too. He's been so well behaved indoors that it was shocking, and then that feeling was compounded with guilt because we hadn't visited with our friends for a few months and our new dog decides to unleash waves of mellow yellow. ::le sigh::

...my medication is still not being tolerated by my system. I read online if you're throwing up and having muscle spasms or twitching to call your doctor, so I did, and called the pharmacist as well. After 8 hours of throwing up, missing work, sleeping too much and back and forth with the doctor, they all decided it's psychosomatic and I must keep taking the generic. Let's unjust say I want to punch them all in the face, or make them feel how I'm feeling. To be completely honest, it takes all the starch out of me when people don't believe my truth of what I'm facing.
  I'm tired of fighting a nameless, faceless chronic illness. I'm constantly pushing myself at 100+% and can only achieve a maximum of a normal person's 56%. It's depressing. I'm tired of fighting so hard.

Today a coworker said "I don't know why you're not on disability. You should take that government money and stay home or travel!"

I have no energy to explain or confront. I wish I could hibernate for a little while.

My family has been really supportive, for which I can only thank them. 

I'm just feeling adrift. I'm glad I have Charlie and my kitties. They bring pure joy, and don't judge me for my illnesses or choices - something I wish I could cut myself slack for, but never seem to be able to do.

Sunday, January 5, 2014

Charlie got a bath!


He's been itchy so we bought some puppy shampoo from target when I got my prescription. I felt so bad for him scratching so much today, because he's been such a trouper. So I used up my spoons and gave him a bath. 

Note to self: Charlie is a PUPPY and will be very excitable after bathing. Get help next time!


Here he is enjoying his potato starch porcupine treat from Alabama Pet Foods.

He's such a good dog!!!

Saturday, January 4, 2014

So sick of professional idiots.

My insurance, doctor and pharmacist are set out to kill me if they can.

They decided to give me a generic instead of my normal prescription, and refused to give me the real drug without an order from my doctor. He wrote the general order form for it because there was no generic on the market, which resulted in me getting a generic by surprise last night when I went to get my refill.

The pharmacist argued with me that she was trying to save me money, and basically bullied me verbally, like I was stupid for trying to demand my brand name pill which costs almost $40 a month versus $4. It's a complete waste of breath arguing with her, because she's able bodied and doesn't care or understand what it's like. I've battled so long to get a drug that works, only to have this happen. You see, I ALWAYS get sick off generics. Currently I have some kind of congestion pounding away at my face like a thousand mini jackhammers, and so I said "screw it! Give me the damned things. I just want to go home!"

Well, I took it this morning and what do you know? I barfed up my innards like no tomorrow. Twice.

I called the pharmacy to see what fillers and inactive ingredients are in it because I can't have gluten or dairy, and she didn't effing call me back! So now I get to spend my whole weekend trying to keep down a pill I need to function as a human being. Basically my only off days are ruined and she doesn't know or care. I have to wait until Monday, try to get ahold of her and the doctor too. I want to slap the pharmacist for arguing with me. I don't care that she went to college and thinks she knows what the frak she's talking about. I want to slap her for her disbelief ruining my only off days in the past two weeks on a weekend no less!

Not to freak anyone out, but it's possible to have a seizure if you just up and stop taking this pill.


I don't have the energy for this bullshit.

It's like when my insurance tried to strong arm me into having my pills delivered. They sent letters, cards and constant phone calls, even after I verbally rejected them. "It will save you time and money, as well as stress. No more keeping track of when your refill is due! Straight to your door! Cheap!!"

It's not cheap if I have the generics delivered and have no way to correct it. It's not cheap to have to take off work to make it to the post office in time because they WON'T deliver it to my door, as I live in a small flat and our mailbox is the size of a flea wearing spanx, so I have to go pick it up at the post office in town when they're open. Oh, and unlike the pharmacy, the post office is in a historic building with marble steps which are impossible to climb, and no motorized cart to sit in and wheel over to the pick up window.

It's like when phlebotomist say "you need to be a big girl. I got this with a regular needle. I know what I'm doing!" In response to "my veins are tiny, they roll and collapse easily. Please use a butterfly needle."

I'm just tired of professionals thinking they know better than me and that they can argue me into submission, when I'm the one stuck with this body 24/7 365 days of the year! I believe I know more about my body than you, buckaroo!!!!

Friday, January 3, 2014

Groceries



Mischief -----^


            ^------ Mayhem


         ------^ Charlie Majors



Spoon theory: http://www.butyoudontlooksick.com/wpress/articles/written-by-christine/the-spoon-theory/

I am out of spoons. Food isn't even in the pantry or anything! I'm just glad it's inside the house!  Sorry I haven't posted much of anything interesting about Charlie's progress. He's a great, silly, playful puppy. He's a little dee dee dee (check Carlos Mencia), but he's learning. He's already figuring out he can literally open doors for me. ;) Tonight he kept trying to give me my socks right after I took them off. Lol

Thursday, January 2, 2014

Not a good day.

Nothing good to report. Bad mental health day. Lots of rain and freezing temps, so Charlie didn't get to play today, resulting in a short attention span and lots and lots of puppy energy. Dislocated my elbow and shoulder tonight. Totally sucks.

Here's a picture of us watching Alabama before they got slaughtered in the first half of the Sugar Bowl:

Wednesday, January 1, 2014

An unjust story of responsibility.

Charlie and I went to the dog park today. He got pinned down by an aggressive dog and the owner quickly intervened and corrected his dog, keeping it leashed and apologizing. He asked several times if I was sure Charlie was okay, and that he was sorry. Eventually after a properly restrained meeting including a few minutes of butt sniffing, Charlie and the other dog got along well and played for about 20 minutes.

Along comes this two adult, two child, one dog family. The adults let the dog go and play, and same with the toddlers. The children were hanging off the agility equipment, and one of them came running head first at Charlie. I restrained Charlie and told the father "sir, you need to restrain your child. Charlie is a new rescue and I've never seen him with children." And what did the father do? "Hey baby, go pet the pretty doggy!" WTH?!

If I acted on my instinct to slap the child away, or let Charlie act on his instinct to growl, I would have a police report against me. If, God forbid, Charlie had bit the child, or seriously injured the child, the father would walk away winning a lawsuit and Charlie would be put down.

The toddler grabbed Charlie's face, and I removed his hand and said "No! NO touching!" And the dad corrected me for stopping and touching his child. If that wasn't enough, another family entered the park with a large dog and a small dog. They also had a toddler. I can understand the adults making sure they're all settled in before taking the small dog to the other half of the enclosure intended for small dogs, but no. I guess they selfishly figured that if their big and small dog get along, by golly, every dog would treat the small dog well! 

I did not react in a Christian manner to the increased pressure of the situation. I did not act in a way that would make my parents or extended family proud. I acted in a way that made myself feel justified and proud. I cussed them all out.

"The entire park is safe for your children, and this is not the pen for small dogs!", was met with the statement of "ugh! Excuse me?! My child can be wherever they want to be! They have that right!"

Well, ma'am, my reply will always be the same:   

Your child doesn't have the right to be a tyrant. It doesn't have the right to endanger itself or other members of society. It doesn't have the right to run out in traffic, although at that moment I wish it did. Yes, this reveals me to be intrinsically evil at my base core, but that my friends is concupiscence. The sinful nature of mankind.

The big dog pen is supposed to be a safe place for my dog to be a - get this - DOG. Charlie has the right to run around in that enclosure, play on the agility equipment and in the splash pad in the heat of the Summer. It is the one place he is allowed to be a canine without having to worry about people or pack pleasing. The entire rest of the park is a safe zone for children, where Charlie would be restrained and expected to behave in the way society thinks is appropriate for a dog. 

NOW - about the small dog: If the park had not been full of dogs, adults and children, the small dog would still have been issue enough for me to lose my temper. The smallest of all known dog breeds and right up there with the most vicious of them. These dogs generally grow up to only about ten to twelve inches but seem to try very hard to compensate for their small size by being extremely aggressive. They are, in fact, not recommended for households with small children because of how easily they are provoked. A 2009 study by The Coalition for Living Safely With Dogs and the Colorado Veterinary Medical Association data shows that Chihuahuas are most likely to bite their vets, more so than any other breed. 


After the verbal abuse between strangers I grabbed Charlie's stuff and got him ready to leave the park. It's not fair or just that he should be denied active, roughhouse style play because of idiots. He has to be so CAREFUL around me because I dislocate my shoulder by reaching up to put my hair in a pony tail.


So again, 
I, dog owner, am not the one out of line by my anger.


People, if you have small dogs or children around me, they sure as hell exists better be as behaved as my dog or I'm going to unleash some painful truth right on you, whether I know you or not.